This has been one crazy month!! Coming to CGA has been such a blessing, but man has God been doing work. This last couple of weeks has been really difficult, but God is really breaking through, and showing up in some big ways!!
Let me start by telling you about exactly what this title says. A neurologist by the name of Jerome came and did a 3 day lecture about brain stuff and how we click as people and other things like that. It was an amazing teaching and he really knows what he is talking about (I know what I just said is vague, but because of things he has in process I wont go into much detail, but he really is one of the wisest guys I have ever met)!! After his lecture on the final day he met with me and in a matter of 15 minutes my desire to twitch diminished about 75% and has stayed that way ever since and this was about 2 weeks ago!! I never knew this was a thing, Tourettes was apart of who I was and I allowed it to control the fact that who I was, was because of it…and I have been working on having this not be a thing…..and in 15 minutes I was shown that something that controlled who I was could be just taken away……
I really cant put into words the freedom and confusion and just plain God inspiring awe that I have been going through. I literally have struggled and fought through this thing my whole life and its almost non existent…
Let me put some perspective what having tourettes is like… You know when you sneeze you have that build up that happens, the pressure builds, your head cocks back, you have those few deep breathes, then it releases? Well imagine for the whole entire day your about to sneeze but every time the couple breathes happen it stops, then restarts…your head cocks back, and you just want to sneeze, but it never happens…and this happens every day, all the time when your not asleep.
Now allow me to put another level onto it…Now imagine this sneeze like thing is happening, but your head also jerks in different directions, and you make a loud sound like your sneezing and your head actually jerks like it as well, but your not sneezing….so you sit or stand there and without control are just loud and moving all the time….well this is what its like to have tourettes. When I have been in public weather it be in speaking places or movies, or churches, this would happen. Getting stared at is what you get used to, having people tell you to quit or ask you to leave because you are being a nuisance, this all became normal. It is still hard, especially when you have entire rows of people turn around and just stare at you and not even try to hide the fact they are staring…
Because of this, I allowed it to become who I was….just the guy people stare at and who will never really be accepted. the guy who will never date someone, because how could I put someone into that life of being stared at and being seen around a nuisance like that. The guy who doesn’t really understand what it means to be placed in a normal life, because lets face it, my life has been anything but….
The last couple of weeks has been really hard since this happened. I am struggling trying to find out how to not be this guy. I know a lot of growth has happened, but to replace the thing that literally my whole life has been my identity is crushing. God needs to fill this gap I know, but this is so brand new to me….how do I start to live this out, when I never have…how do I start feeling acceptance and step into these things, when I dont know how to??……..
Its an amazing and difficult time, and not having my head twitch at all times of the day has been so amazing…but prayers are appreciated, because I am having one of the biggest fights I have had in a long time, but God has the victory….and this is just the next step in who God has called me to be!!
Thank you so much for your prayers and support, you really have been helping to open a door that has changed my life and I wouldn’t be here with out you guys!!!
